It’s been fifteen years of my life and I’m singing the same old song
No one is here to comfort me, when things are going wrong
At last I am all by myself rather cold and stiff too
For I am dead as a doorknob, and no one can get through
They did my hair all cute and nice, and gave me lots of flowers
But it’s too late for me to enjoy for I’ve been dead for hours
I must, I must be happy now six feet under ground
No one can tell me right from wrong, or what to do and how
This is a wish a call for help to show me the way
Because I am unhappy and I don’t know if I want to see my next living day
©Alice F Spencer 2019~ Revised Copy
I read this poem now and I cringe. I wonder how my parents and teachers must have felt the day they read it. Thinking back on being stuck in a family counseling sessions for a month, trying to explain why I wrote such a detailed poem. I was never unhappy or wanted to take my life. After talking about suicide one day at school the words just came to me. I wanted to put myself in that situation, and then truly think about how I would feel. So many people today young and old think about suicide. I believe it’s because each day there are so many new disaster. Having friends and a strong belief system is the only thing that can get you through. There is also the fact that people are living longer and this is wonderful, but many are living with chronic pain.
Fifteen is such a confusing age with thoughts of transitioning from a teen to a young adult. Beginning to feel the tug of life; feeling underappreciated could make you feel dead to the people around you. The thought of loved ones rushing around to buy flowers and give well wishes after your gone is the sad state that we all sometimes find ourselves in. Wishing we would have stopped by to check on a loved one or forced them to spend a little time with us. I have noticed my calendar filling up, and sometimes the best thing you can do is clear it. Eliminate a few of those unwanted appointments and add some relaxation time. I like to say start living!!
At Last was a call for help, with the hope that others would make each day count. Spread love from the teen years to the elderly, because people are hurting everywhere and taking your own life is not the solution. I love my mother dearly, her and my sister are my best friends. It makes me sad that my mom has days where she can walk freely, and others where she cannot. I will do everything in my power to help her smile. I hope that smile will give her thousands of reasons, to continue wanting to live in spite of whatever comes her way. At Last
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline1-800-273-8255